50 Ways to Love Your Lover: 41-50 (SERVICE)
THIS ONE IS PRIMARILY FOR THE GUYS
I tried and tried to keep this one targeted to women as I’ve done with the other four. But when it comes to “Acts of Service,” traditionally, women don’t need prompting. We can do “Acts of Service” in our sleep.
However, IN GENERAL (there are exceptions), it’s our men/partners/husbands/boyfriends who could use a little schooling on “How to Show Love Through Acts of Service.”
It’s not that men don’t love - they love powerfully. It’s just that our culture doesn’t train them (the way it trains us) to think, “What can I do to brighten this woman’s day, to help her out with all that she does?” Typically (there are exceptions), men are taught that earning money and having sex are great ways to express love.
Too often, we women feel unloved and under-appreciated. We feel taken for granted. We feel alone. And our men scratch their heads wondering, “Why are you complaining so much?”
So, gentlemen, this one’s for you.
Ladies, cut and paste this list in an email to your man, with asterisks beside the ones you like most.
Or, better yet, have a conversation with him that starts like this, “Sweetheart, I love you so much. And I am incredibly grateful for your love. I have a few requests that, if you could do just 1 or 2 of them, would help me to feel so much less alone and so much more connected to you…”
Then share with him the 3 or 4 items from the list below that, if he did just 1, would really feel like “love” to you.
10 Ways to Show Love Through Acts of Service
- Wash or Clean one thing - Her car, the kitchen floor, a chaotic closet. So often, a woman juggling lots of roles - mother, daughter, wife, friend, employee, boss - just can’t get to EVERYTHING. The smallest assistance would help her feel so loved. (Cleaning things always falls to the bottom of my To Do list. In college, both my best girlfriend and my soon-to-be husband washed my car (at different times) just because. It felt more loving than any physical gift.)
- Massage or Backrub - Doesn’t have to be professional quality. Doesn’t have to last more than 5 minutes. Just the feel of your hands on her back would melt away the stress of the day. (My man’s big hands on my small back remind me of his strength and my femininity - a real turn on.)
- Meet and greet - Men, when you come home from work…if she’s already there…take the 30 minutes or so you need to decompress. Then ask her, at least once a week, “What could I do that would help you most right now?” A few times a week would be even better. But even once a week would be a huge help.
- Share the load - Doing work together makes any job less burdensome. Laundry, dinner, envelope stuffing, sorting Legos to sell on Ebay - just move in beside her and pitch in. Often a woman is turned on by simply not feeling alone in everything she does.
- Volunteer your strength - What is “play” for you may be “work” for her. If you have a knack for balancing the budget and she hates doing the bills, then YOU do them. If you’re naturally more organized, or a great cook, and she struggles with these things, then YOU take on those roles in the house.
- Run an errand for her while you’re out - Before you get home, at least once a week, call and ask her if she needs anything.
- Do the same (#6) in the house - Just say, “I’m heading to the kitchen, can I get you anything?”
- Take the kids - If your partner is the primary care giver for the kids, she may be worn out DAILY. Raising children works muscles that you can’t see. It can be exhausting. If she’s with the kids more than you are, show your love for her by taking them off to do something fun once in a while, leaving her in a quiet, peaceful house to do whatever she pleases. Or choose to be the one that gets them ready for bed. [NOTE: You'll stress her out more if you're harsh with the kids. Make them happy and you'll make her happy.]
- Send her away - Ask her if she’s the type that would enjoy a get-away. Then plan a day (or weekend) when you’ll manage everything at home and let her go off and do whatever would rejuvenate her. Even 3 hours, to just read a book or hear her own thoughts, can feel like a good break.
- Make or Order food - Again, if she’s the one who normally works to feed everybody, take that responsibility on once or twice a week.
With most women I know, little acts like this would go a long way.
Here’s how you’ll know if “Acts of Service” is your partner’s love language: You’ll hear her saying things like, “I could really use your help around here,” or “I feel like I do everything,” or even, “How could I possibly want sex right now when I’m so worn out?”
If this is her love language, it doesn’t matter if you’ve been showing her love in other ways…she won’t feel it. Her love tank will be empty.
Fill her love tank and YOURS will overflow.
* * *
Ladies, what other “Acts of Service” help you to feel truly loved and connected?
* * *
Read all 50 Ways to Love Your Lover, using…