Celebrate Love: Imperfection

It’s Feb 1…and I’m starting the Month of Love by sharing this video:

(Thanks to my good friend Janette, at www.BuildBetterRelationships.com for forwarding it to me.)

My husband, Hycel, and I loved this little video.  To me, its message is:  Love doesn’t require “perfection.”

I have many friends who have been single their whole lives, never married or committed to a relationship longer than a few years.  Why?  Because they didn’t find Mister/Miss “Perfect.”  If he was was a good guy, he wasn’t drop-dead-gorgeous enough.  If he was good looking, he wasn’t ambitious enough.

Those of us who have been married, or in a long-term relationship, know the truth:  There is no such thing as perfect.

At least not in an absolute sense.  But there is a such thing as “Perfect for Me.”

3 Signs that Someone is Perfect For You

1. His/Her Weaknesses are Your Strengths (and vice versa) - This is why opposites attract.  We each would (secretly) like to be more like the other.  If he’s a saver and you’re a spender…or he’s more fun-loving and you’re more serious…you both may crave some of what the other person has.  You’re hoping that just a little of it will rub off on you.
2. You Agree On (or at least can respectfully discuss) the Major Life Issues - Religion, food, childrearing practices…those are my big 3.  What are yours?  What’s the stuff that’s gonna set the tone of your whole life together?  The stuff that will affect how each day is lived?  The values that will determine who you are as a family?  Do you have that major stuff in common?  If not, can you respect each other’s perspective enough to talk openly about and accommodate your differences?
3. You Can See Living With the Things You Don’t Like About Him/Her FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE - Forever.  Seriously, accept that it will most likely never change.  Ask yourself, “Can I live with this forever?”  Visualize yourself 10, 20, 50 years from now…he’s still picking his nose when he drives…still grinding his teeth in his sleep…can you live with that?  Will it affect your quality of life?  (If he smokes, yes it will.  If he snorts when he laughs, maybe not.)

Relationships provide opportunities to practice “presence” and to grow as a person.  Whomever you’re in a relationship with, that person’s “stuff” is the material you can use to work on yourself, to develop emotionally, psychologically, spiritually.  The buttons that person pushes in you are the buttons you need to work on.

Remember, you’re not perfect either.  Like you, your partner wants to be loved for being himself.  Let his quirks endear him to you.  Don’t try to make him over in your image.  Love him for who he is, warts and all.

*   *   *

A PERSONAL NOTE:  My husband and I will celebrate our 21st anniversary this May.  I was 21 when I married him…so that means I have spent half my life with him.

We are so happy that we weathered the storms that destroy many marriages, because now we have something very rare and precious.  We each have a person who shares our history.

We can talk in shorthand.  He knows all my feelings and memories that surface when I say “My mom,” or “High school”  I know all his feelings and memories that surface when he says, “My dad,” or “Second Baptist.”

We have inside jokes.  As a family (kids included), we find a way, EVERY DAY, to use a line from the movie “Booty Call.”  [Don't ask why...but that is our all-time favorite comedy as a family.  It's our version of "Rocky Horror Picture Show."]

All this is to say:  Something magical happens when you’ve been with someone more than 10 or 20 years.  They become a part of you.  They leave an impression, like a thumbprint, on your life.  You would miss everything about them if they were gone.

Cherish everything…Find beauty in everything…even the imperfections.

*   *   *

If you’re in a relationship…What did you once find annoying or off-putting about your partner, but eventually found endearing?

If you’re not in a relationship…What are your “Major Life Issues” or most important values that the right partner must share?

Please share.

Tweet This Post