Listening to Your Body

In 2008, I challenged myself to start a business and write a book. I was so determined to reach my goals (especially July-December), that I completely ignored two other huge priorities - my kids and my health.

I figured I’d get my 2 homeschooling kids caught up on their school work the following year.  They learn fast.  No big deal.

I also figured that, due to all my hard work, I deserved to reward myself with my favorite comfort food:  Potatoes.

I LOVE POTATOES anyway they come:  chipped, french fried, baked, mashed.  …BUT THEY DO NOT LOVE ME.

So, when I began eating them in 2008 - for the first time in YEARS - I should have known I was headed for trouble.

Thanks to potatoes (and other starches, and sitting on my butt all day writing a book)…

I went from THIS:	To THIS:
Venus, 2007:  93lbs (5 ft tall)	Venus, December 2008:  110lbs (still 5 ft tall)

Confessions of a Skinny Fat Girl
In my 20s, I could eat french fries to my heart’s content and never have love handles.

But in 2008, I turned 40…and my body was no longer as forgiving.

Fully clothed, it was easy to pretend that my body wasn’t changing.  I even had some deep denial moments when I wondered, “Why did Victoria’s Secret start making their extra-small panties so much smaller?  Why have my clothes all begun to shrink?”

But one day I caught sight of myself bending over in the dressing room at my favorite consignment shop, and I nearly hurled.

Was that me?

Two Roads Diverged in a Yellow Wood…
I felt sad.  I felt embarrassed.  I thought:  Is this what it means to be 40?  Am I stuck with this new body?

I figured I had two options:

1. Continue eating what I liked, and sitting on my butt the way I liked, and accept this new flabby body; or
2. Stop eating potatoes, return to healthy eating, exercise and discipline my way back to the body I enjoyed.

I was angry and resentful about having to make this choice.  Some people can eat whatever they want and stay skinny.

WHY CAN’T I?  It’s not fair. I could hear myself whining in my head like a 4-year-old.  I gave my inner 4-year-old about a month to kick and scream about how unfair life was.

Then the woman in me took charge.  I knew what I had to do.  No…  I knew what I WANTED to do.

I decided that I wanted my petite body back. 
I wanted to stop suffering sinus and urinary tract infections (which only happen when I eat junk). 
I wanted to stop having phlegm in my throat.
I wanted that high energy level I used to have when I ate salads and drank carrot juice.

I wanted all this MORE than I wanted french fries.

By September 2009, here’s how much of my body I was able to recover:

Venus, Sep 2009: 96lbs

Notice how much taller I look?  And how the love handles are practically gone?

Since September, I’ve been working on the cellulite that’s still visible in my thighs (more on that later)…
but, I am definitely pleased with the choice I made.

Beware Denial
It’s so easy for us to tell ourselves, “I’m getting fatter because I’m getting older.”  Or, “Obesity runs in my family.”

It’s easy to dodge responsibility by believing that fat and illness just happen to us.

The truth is, our bodies send us signals.  We ignore them - either by choice, or by lack of knowledge.

Our bodies are always trying to communicate with us.  Too often, though, there’s so much noise that we can’t hear or understand what our bodies are saying.

In future articles, I’ll talk more about how to read the body’s signals.  For now, let’s just state clearly:

Fat and illness don’t “just happen.”  They are a result of our choices.

LET’S ALSO BE CLEAR ABOUT THIS:  It is perfectly acceptable to decide, “I want to eat the food I like, and I hate exercising.  I don’t care what I look or feel like.”

I nearly made that choice.  …I gave myself full permission to make that choice.

Part of my brain said things like, “Life is short.  Food is fun.  Do I really want to live the rest of my life without french fries?”  And,  “I’m a writer, not a runner.  I have no time to exercise.”

But I fully accepted that the body I would have as a result was MY CHOICE.  Not a result of age or genetics.  I bore full responsibility for the choice I made.

I don’t judge anyone who makes that choice.  Food tastes good.  Walking away from the flavors you like can be challenging.  It can feel like you’re never going to have fun again.

But, to paraphrase John Robbins in his new book The Food Revolution:  Is being sick and fat really fun?

Listening to My Body
I stopped cursing my body for its refusal to hide my french fry addiction…and started celebrating it instead.

Now, instead of being angry that I can’t eat what I want without consequences, I am grateful that my body shows me the error of my ways before I do more serious damage.

I could be “lucky” enough to have a body that stayed skinny and gave me no signals…but then required a heart bypass to clear my arteries of french fry fat.

I love my body.  I am glad that it sends me signals that prompt me to take better care of myself.

I also love my vanity.  Even though I am spiritually evolved enough to know that “I am not my body,” I still care what my body looks like.

I’m ashamed to say I probably care more about what my body looks like than what it feels like.  (Otherwise, the infections and low energy would have motivated me to go back to healthy food…but no, it was the sight of my gut that did it.)

What is your body telling you?
Is your weight telling you that you’re eating empty calories?  Is your energy level telling you that your body’s starved of nutrients?  Are your illnesses telling you that you need to drink more water?  Is your skin telling you that you’re allergic to a food you’re eating?

Tune in to the next post where I’ll describe one of the best ways I’ve found to tone down the “noise” in your body so you can hear what it’s trying to tell you.

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