Scheduling Sex: Yum or Yuck?

Like many couples, my husband and I have had periods where our libidos were out of sync.  Times when I craved physical intimacy more often than he (rare), and times when he craved it more than I (typical).

For the first 10 years or so of our marriage, especially after the kids were born, this difference in desire led to stress, and even anger.  Especially when I would get deeply preoccupied with a project (home improvement, learning a new skill), and “move up into my head and out of my body.”

One of the steps we took, just as our marriage was starting to heal from a lot of emotional pain, was to actually schedule sex.  Literally, put it on the calendar.

When I first proposed it, my husband thought it was a horrible idea.  “Won’t that make it more routine, more like a chore, and less spontaneous and fun?”

I explained, “Scheduling sex will remind me to make it a priority.  Everything that’s important for me to remember, goes on my calendar.  YOU are important to me, but when I’m focused on a project, I lose sight of that.  That’s not my intention.  So, putting ‘us’ on the schedule will keep ‘this’ a priority - one that I can plan for and look forward to.”

Scheduling helped us during those rough patches.  I did my best to make our scheduled romances fun - like mini-dates.  And he didn’t feel rejected during our “days off.”  AND, I got to enjoy those days off by pouring my mind and body into my work, uninterrupted.

These days, we don’t need a schedule.  But it’s nice to that we have a plan that works if we ever hit a rough patch again.

What do you think?  Could scheduling sex help couples resolve the natural differences in their libidos (levels of sexual desire), or does it turn a beautiful expression of love into a routine or obligation?

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