Whining: Grown-ups Do it Too

I had one of those split-personality experiences as I prepared to do my taxes this year.

From January to April 4, I listened to myself whine and whine about how I didn’t want to do taxes this year.

“I just don’t wanna…I’ve got so much else to do this year…I absolutely hate this…”

The grown up in me was annoyed - I hate the sound of whining, even if I’m the one who’s doing it.  But the bratty little kid in me needed a moment to vent.  (OK, a few months to vent.)  She really wanted to be heard.  (Actually, she really wanted to be rescued, but that wasn’t an option.)

What was really great, was that my husband didn’t fight me on this.  He listened to the whining.  Didn’t argue back.  Didn’t try to convince me otherwise.  He just listened and accepted all my excuses, and left me space to work it out.

I decided to give the kid in me a deadline.  She could whine and pout all she wanted, but since the adult in me didn’t want to file an extension (and put up with this tantrum for another few months), she’d have to pull herself together in time to actually complete the taxes on time.

I set an imaginary timer to go off one week before tax day.

It worked.

My bratty side started quieting down and facing the inevitable, just in time to get the job done.

I believe we can do the same for our children.  Just like there’s a kid inside of most grown-ups, I believe there’s a reasonable “grown-up” inside most kids.

If we can hold back from reacting to our kids’ whining, and simply set limits and let them work it out, we leave them the space to “come around” on their own.  We give them the opportunity to connect with their own maturity and wisdom, instead of being forced and punished into compliance.

TRY THIS:

1. Next time your kids are whinging and moaning about having to do what they don’t want to do - JUST LISTEN.  Agree, even.  “Yeah, I know.  It sucks.”
2. Set a time limit for the whining.  “The toys must be put away by 3:30, so I’ll set a timer.  You can complain for another 10 minutes, then it’s time to get to work.  Got it?”

Be honest.  You whine, too, dontcha?  Maybe just in your head?  Maybe just a little?  Do you put off making that dentist appointment?  Or getting the oil changed in the car?  Do you procrastinate on things until they build up and you finally give in and take care of them?

We all have the capacity to rise to the occasion when necessary.  When we’re feeling more enlightened, we don’t whine.  We simply accept what is and do what’s required.  But when we’re not there yet, we resist what is required of us until the pain of doing it feels less than the pain of not doing it.

Being patient with ourselves, and our children, gives everyone a chance to grow in his/her own time.

What do you think?  Are you able to give your kid the space to complain, and the time to come around on his own?  If not, why not?

And what about yourself?  Ever notice yourself whining on the inside?  How do you handle it?  Are you able to be loving and patient - or do you criticize and push?

Comment freely.

~ Venus

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