Letter from a Fruitfly: Using Humor to Avoid an Argument

My husband and I used to go through cycles of angst.

We’d be happy and lovey-dovey for a while.  Then he’d do something to irritate me, or vice versa, and we’d give each other the silent treatment for a few days.  Then we’d try to talk about it, come to some understanding, and still take another day or two for the tension to pass.

Around our 15th anniversary, we finally, completely healed our marriage (using methods that I teach in my coaching program).  Healed it to the point that we no longer felt we were just hanging on until the kids moved out.

I knew we were healed one day when he did something that irritated me, and I handled it in a completely new way.

He had (once again) left banana peels on the counter one night.  I awoke (once again) to a swarm of fruit flies.

I’ll admit, for a moment I was angry.  But I knew I didn’t want to take us back into the unhealthy pattern that used to tear us apart. So I thought, “How can I get my point across in a way that keeps us feeling close?”

Before I knew it, I was writing a letter from the fruitflies (transcribing, really…the fruitflies were speaking, I was just the messenger).  It read:

Dear Mr. Hycel,

Thank you so much for the yummy banana peels last night.  We love you SOOO much.

Signed, The Fruitflies

When I handed him the note I “found” in the kitchen, we looked at each other and smiled.  He got my message, and we both knew we had turned a big corner in our marriage.

How might you use humor to deflect an argument at home?  at work?  What would you lose or gain by at least starting a “serious” conversation on a lighter note?

I once heard that a healthy, happy couple tends to have 7 positive interactions for every 1 negative or hostile interaction.  Humor is one way to add points to the positives list, and soften the effect of an uncomfortable conversation.

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