50 Ways to Love Your Lover: 31-40 (GIFTS)

One secret about Love Languages:  You can often tell what someone’s primary love language is by the ways they try to express love.

In The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman explains that if your partner TELLS you how much he loves you, chances are, HIS primary love language is “Words of Affirmation.”  If he surprises you with gifts, it may mean that HIS love language is “Gifts.”

Learning about Love Languages, you’ll be able to explain to your sweetheart YOUR primary love language so he can get better at filling your love tank.

Meanwhile, if you suspect that your partner’s primary love language is “Gifts,” here are a few ideas.  Remember, gifts don’t have to cost a thing.  They are simply a token to show that you’re thinking of that person when he/she is not around.

10 Ways to Express Love with Gifts

1. Notes - Write little notes like, “I love you,” or “You make me smile,” or “Thanks for last night.”  Write them in the snow, on a post-it near his shaving equipment, or in a kitchy little e-card.
2. Wrap ANYTHING - If you’re out running errands, and you remember something that he needs, get it and wrap it, with a note saying, “Thinking of you.”  We’re talking anything - socks, soap, spaghetti.  Wrapping makes anything feel special.
3. Frame a memento - Still got those ticket stubs from your first date, or the printed napkin from your anniversary, hidden away in a shoebox somewhere?  Drag it out and frame it.  He can put it in office or on his bedside table - even on the fridge.
4. Drawings/Doodles - Got a fun or funny doodle you worked on during a meeting?  Does it have anything to do with him?  Share it with him.
5. Music - The police won’t crash down your door for sharing a piece of music w/just one person.  Send him a copy of the song that makes you think of him.  (Recently I stepped outside of my “easy listening” genre and shared “Hustlin’” w/my hubby, just to acknowledge him for how hard he works.  “Ev’ry day I’m hustlin’, Ev’ry day I’m hustlin‘…)
6. Tiny gifts - Tie a ribbon around just one cookie, and tell him you want him to have something sweet.  Stick a bow on his favorite snack and give it to him before the game.
7. Gag gift - Start a Gag Gift tradition.  Choose an item that relates to an inside joke or the movie you most like to re-watch together.  Or regift to each other a gift the two of you got from family members, that neither of you liked.  Just for fun.
8. Mental / Fantasy gift - We all have dreams of financial abundance.  If you had all the money in the world…or one day when you DO have lots more money…what would you like to get for him?  Tell him about it.  “If we ever won the lottery, I would buy you…”  One of my most fun memories is of a past boyfriend who dreamed of buying me a Toyota Celica full of Trident Cinnamon.  My favorite car filled with my favorite gum.  Felt so romantic.
9. Yourself - As mentioned in The Five Love Languages, if he’s going through a rough time, sometimes the gift of just being there for him is enough.
10. Public delivery - Take that “anything” that you wrapped in #2 (above), and take it to his job with a funny note.  If it’s wool socks, attach a note saying, “You won’t need these tonight…I’ll keep you warm.”  If it’s a gift bag filled with a package of pasta and a jar of sauce, write, “Hungry?  See me.”

SPECIAL NOTE: Buy a dozen miniature gift bows.  Stick them on ANYTHING you ever do “just-because.”  Organize his desk?  Put a bow on it.  Proofread his document?  Put a bow on it.  It’ll acknowledge that whatever you’ve done, you’ve done it out of love as a gift to him.  (Recycle the bows by sticking them with scotch tape.)

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Tell us some fun, $0 gifts you’ve given to your special one?

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Read all 50 Ways to Love Your Lover, using…

• Words of Affirmation
  
• Physical Touch
• Quality Time
• Gifts
• Acts of Service (coming soon)

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50 Ways to Love Your Lover: 21-30 (TIME)

Do you crave more time with your partner?
Are you enjoying making memories together?

We say it all the time:  Life is short.  If your primary love language is Quality Time (see Gary Chapman’s, The Five Love Languages), you may be particularly sensitive to the brevity of life.  You may uniquely treasure the time spent with people you love most.

Quality Time is more than just time spent in each other’s company.  It’s time spent FOCUSING on each other.  Talking, playing, laughing.  Really engaging with each other - not watching TV or playing on your cell phones.

A person whose primary love language is Quality Time really wants to be seen, heard, appreciated, and understood.  This person feels connected to people who deeply know her and enjoy her presence.

If your partner’s primary love language is Quality Time, here are a few ideas to help him feel fully loved by and connected to you.

1. Ask him to retell a story from childhood – Even if you’ve heard all his stories before, listen deeply, as if you may write his biography one day. Ask, “What was that like for you? When do you feel like that now?  What makes that memory so important that you’ve treasured it above so many others?”
2. Laugh a lot – Don’t let life get so serious that you’re not having fun together regularly. Tell jokes, funny stories, silly dreams. The memory of you rolling with laughter is the one memory you want burnt into his mind.
3. Listen with your whole heart – When he’s sharing something that’s important to him (even if it’s something hard for you to hear),  set aside your agenda and just be his friend. Be a safe space where he can share his thoughts and feelings without judgment.
4. Welcome him home – Stop whatever you’re doing, for just 30 seconds, and greet him when he comes home. I have a friend in NJ who has made this a practice for over 30 yrs of marriage. Once, while giving a speech, he shocked her by mentioning how much he appreciated that…how special he felt.  Such a small gesture can make a big difference in anyone’s day.
5. Play – Board games, card games, video games.  Anything that gets you interacting with each other in a fun way.
6. Read together – Out loud or silently.  Share a small passage of something together – one paragraph, one chapter, an interesting article from a magazine – and discuss your different perspectives.
7. Do something healthy together – Go for a walk (even if it’s a stroll), do a paired floor stretch, walk up the stairs of your apartment complex together (do lots of reps if there aren’t many stairs).  When my husband and I lived in a 20 story building, we would sometimes walk all the way up, just for exercise.  It’s fun to share that memory together.
8. Parallel Play – If you’re both really bogged down, and rarely make “face time,” try working in the same room at least once a week.  The goal is to give yourself more opportunities to break for eye contact and quick conversations.
9. Attend something you wouldn’t ordinarily – Don’t like attending philosophy lectures or baseball games?  Go at least occasionally with this goal in mind:  Getting to know him better.  Afterward, ask him what he liked most, what he thought could be better.  Use the event as a doorway into his soul.
10. Ask for feedback – From time to time, ask “How loved / respected / cherished / appreciated are you feeling this week? How ratchet that up another notch?”

Time with loved ones is what we’ll miss most when one of us has passed on.  Savor it.  Revel in it.  Especially if your or your partner’s primary love language is Quality Time.

Next Up:  Expressing love with Gifts.

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How have you used “Time” to express love to your significant other?

Comment below.

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See all 50 Ways to Love Your Lover, using…

• Words of Affirmation
  
• Physical Touch
• Quality Time
• Gifts
• Acts of Service (coming soon)

Tweet This Post