Self-Care: Simplify Your Life = Minimize Stress + Maximize Joy

Sometimes I hear a story on National Public Radio that completely changes my life.

Jonah Lehrer’s interview on Fresh Air with Terry Gross (20 min) was one of the most recent stories that did that.

Here’s what stuck with me most:

1. Our brains (prefrontal cortex) were built to hold only 4-7 pieces of information. It’s no wonder most of us are so stressed out.  We have far too much to remember & think about!  Kids’ extracurricular schedules, website passwords, the location and battery-charge level of our various electronic gadgets…not to mention the amount of brain power we must give to choosing among the thousands of products being promoted as “Must Have” life appendages…
2. The more our brains are taxed, the less healthy decisions we tend to make. Jonah cites a stunning research finding:  The more bits of data we try to keep track of, the less “brain” we have available to make healthy decisions.  Perhaps this is one reason why, WHEN WE’RE STRESSED OUT, WE BINGE on unhealthy foods!
3. Our emotions are VITAL in making decisions. Purely rational-/logic-based decisions are NOT SUPERIOR to emotional-/desire-based decisions.  Feelings “percolating up from the subconscious” help us make decisions we’ll be happy with.

Since hearing this interview, I have trimmed down my vision for my business.  Yes, I’m still looking forward to creating podcasts and radio shows and writing more books and hosting live events.  But I’m putting less pressure on myself to do all of those things RIGHT NOW.  I’m choosing one or two things to focus on each year, so I don’t burn out all my circuits.

I have also let myself off the hook when it comes to my rational decision models.

I am a list fiend.  I write and prioritize my To Do lists, and often create Pro/Con lists to help me make decisions.  In the past, I’ve relied on my “gut” to support what my “head” determined was the logical, best choice.

Now I’ve flipped the script.  BEFORE doing the Pro/Con list, I look at my list of options.  I tune in to my emotions while looking at each option.  I prioritize the ones that make me feel the most happy and excited, and consider deleting the ones that make me feel stressed and overwhelmed.  Then I use the Pro/Con list to test whether the favored option is the best use of my time.

This 20-minute interview gives scientific explanations for what we all know on an emotional level:  As a culture, we’re prioritizing the wrong things.  We believe that more stuff = more life.  Then we become frustrated when more stuff = more stress, and life feels tight and restricted.

Some of us do our best to meditate, so we can be centered and present.  But it feels challenging to maintain “presence” when there are so many choices to make about the future (college, retirement, career direction).

We aren’t wired to fret about all we fret about.

On the other hand, most of us also don’t feel wired to chuck it all and go surfing, either.  So what can we do?

1. Prioritize - Focus on the one or two MOST IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTIONS you intend to make in the world (mine are the excellent homeschooling of my two kids, and a thriving, significant business).  Then ask, “What is the one most important thing I can do, in each of these areas, that will yield the greatest result?”  Put those one or two priorities far out in front of everything else.  View the rest of the things you do as FAR less important…to the point that, if they don’t get done, life is ok, because you’ve spent your time doing the most important things in your life.
2. Simplify - Set out to be an underachiever.  Even if you’re efficient enough to do 10 things in a day, set out to do only 5.  Or maybe 2.  Consider moving the stuff that gets cut out to its own day of the week.  (I, for instance, have moved all social calls to Thursdays, freeing up the rest of the week to be present w/my family.)  You may find that you’re more present and creative when you can focus on just a few things, rather than feeling scattered across competing priorities.
3. Minimize - Get rid of ANY EXCESS.  Got stuff stored away that you haven’t seen or touched for more than a year?  Get rid of it.  Do you wear the same 5 shirts and 3 pants all the time?  Choose those, plus 2-3 “special occasion” outfits, and donate the rest to Goodwill.  Try to get your house down to the bare-bones, empty feeling you’ll want it to have when you sell it.  You’ll feel lighter and freer with more open spaces in your rooms and closets.
4. Maximize - joy.  Challenge yourself to find the joy in everything you do.  Cut “brain noise” in half by eliminating the “I don’t wanna do this” thought behind necessary tasks.  Instead, when doing the laundry, celebrate the technology that makes it possible for you to do this in the comfort of a warm dry building, instead of having to beat each piece of clothing on a rock in a stream.   When paying the heating bill, feel grateful that your family didn’t freeze to death.  When paying the light bill, rejoice in the appliances that chilled or cooked your food.

So, there you have it.  Listen to this interview and find out how science proves that if you simplify your life, you’ll minimize your stress, and maximize your joy.

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