Make Love to Yourself This Valentine’s Day

Mmm…ahh…yes, right there…more, more…

These are the sounds of a woman getting the attention she wants.  It can be intimate attention, an invigorating foot massage, or an intellectually stimulating conversation.  When something hits the spot, it feels really good, the juices get flowing, and you want more.

Doing something pleasurable is like finding the light switch to the sun inside you.  You radiate positive energy.  Everything around you is brighter. 

Ever had an incredible massage and gotten up off the table just knowing life would be fantastic if you could have one just like that every day? 
Even if a live-in masseuse isn’t in your near future, DAILY PLEASURE can lift your spirits and help you face the world with more joy and optimism.

What would your life be like if you made sure to do one thing everyday that brought you intense pleasure?  Even for just five minutes?

If life has gotten so busy that you rarely take time to cater to yourself, make a date – perhaps on or around Valentine’s Day – to zoom in on YOU.

What really brings you pleasure?  What makes your eyes twinkle, your toes curl, or your shoulders relax?

Scan your memories, all the way back to childhood.  What was happening during the times you were laughing the hardest or smiling the biggest?  Where were you?  Who were you with? 

Give yourself the gift of pleasure. 

• Take a day off from email, and talk on the phone with an old friend. 
• Play a game with your kid (or a friend’s kid) that you haven’t played in years. 
• Read at least one chapter of a novel (even a trashy one). 
• Luxuriate in a hot bubble bath.

As with any love relationship, giving yourself focused attention at least once in a while is a great way to stay connected – to who you are, and what you like. 

But more is better.  If you don’t think you can squeeze 5 minutes of pleasurable fun into everyday, then start with holidays.  Then spend your entire birth month doing things that really turn you on.  By next year, you may be ready to make personal pleasure a daily habit.

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Don’t Impale Yourself on Cupid’s Arrow

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. 

Do you have any idea how many couples will be arguing on Valentine’s Night?

Neither do I, but I’ve known plenty of couples who’ve strained their relationships over holidays like Valentine’s Day and Christmas – haven’t you?  If you’re not one of them, you may wanna pass this on to one you know.

Holidays (and birthdays) can be touchy for couples because they bring up all kinds of assumptions and expectations.  “You were supposed to…”  “You should have known…”  “How could you not…”

A good friend of mine, Janette Sassoon of Get REAL Coaching (www.getreal-coaching.com), put it best:

Women watch movies and believe guys are supposed to just know all the right things to do and say.  What they don’t realize…is that those guys have SCRIPTS.

The best way to get what you want is to ASK. 

Sure, it may seem more romantic for him to figure it out and surprise you.  But there’s a chance that he won’t…and then, SURPRISE!  You’ll be disappointed.

It’s unfair to expect someone to read your mind.  It’s cruel to hold your man accountable for fulfilling a request you never made (or haven’t made recently – you know how forgetful people can be).

I’ve heard so many exasperated guys exclaim, “Why won’t she just tell me what she wants?” 

Face it.  That’s what works. 

If your guy tends to be that guy:  TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT.

Chances are, he’ll eat it up.  He’ll love it.  You know why?  Because he loves you and wants to show you in a way that you’ll recognize.  He wants to give you everything you want…but he needs to know what that is.

So, if you want flowers, chocolates, a night on the town…Make a request. 

As in, “Sweetheart, you know what I’d really like to do this Valentine’s Day?  I have this fantasy in my head that would just send me over-the-moon if we could do it.  You’d have flowers delivered to my job, then come home with a box of chocolates, and take me out to a restaurant with candles on the table…maybe that place on 1st Street.  Would you be willing to play out that fantasy with me?”

(Notice how I hinted at the exact restaurant I’m dreaming about…help him out, give him clues.)

You can play it up with a coy, flirty look, if you like.  You can ask him what HE’D like to do after the dinner.  Whatever feels right.
You’ll be happier because you’ll increase the chances of getting what you really want (especially if you gently remind him a day or two before Valentine’s Day).  He’ll be happier because he won’t have to fear getting it wrong.

And if he doesn’t get it all right?  Don’t punish him.  Nagging and complaining will stir up resentment, not love. 

Appreciate what he got right, and the love behind his actions. 

Make Valentine’s Day, and every day, TRULY HAPPY, by celebrating the ways he shows his love that have nothing to do with dinners and chocolates.

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Look at What TV is Doing to Our Kids…

Have you seen the latest Valentine’s Day Hallmark Commercial aimed at parents and kids?  It’s the one where a group of girls are comparing the special treats their moms (presumably) put in their lunch boxes for Valentine’s Day.

Most of the girls got home-made “I love you’s” in the form of decorated fruit and heart-shaped sandwiches.  And the girls are all, Ho-hum.

Until the one girl pulls out a personalized “Hannah Montana” card, with a voice-message from her mom and some “Rock Star” song clip.  Then eyes light up.  Heads turn.  The whole cafeteria is envious.

The message is:  A store-bought gift is the best way to express love. 

Isn’t it sad?  LOVE has been co-opted.

You may be saying, “Duh, Venus, this is not new.”  I know it isn’t.  But since I watch so little TV these days, my commercial-immunity is low.  Each one I see is a shock to my system.  My jaw drops and I wonder, “Oh my gosh, is this stuff on constantly?”

How can we raise kids who care about what’s real, when they heaping doses of lies every time they watch television?

To keep your kids’ hearts and minds from being poisoned by commercial messages, here are

3 Ways to Boost Your Kids’ Commercial Immunity:

1. Turn Off the TV:  I know this one is hard for some families, but this age of technology can actually make it easier.  Besides listening to audio books and helping them learn to MAKE their own shows (like for YouTube) instead of WATCHING all the time, you can:

     a. View Child-friendly Internet Sites:  There are lots of kids’ channel internet sites, like cartoonnetwork.com, neopets.com, and 4kids.tv.  These sites show more commercials each year, too.  But they seem just a little less pervasive.

     b. Purchase Shows:  Between DVDs and iTunes, your kids can be up on all the latest shows without having to endure all the latest commercials. 

2. Talk Back to the TV:  The younger your kids are when you start, the stronger their immunity will be when they’re older.  Don’t let TV be a one-way medium.  Talk back to it.  Say out loud, “That’s not true.”  Then tell your kids YOUR perspective, so they learn YOUR values, not the ones in the commercials.  The more kids learn to argue back at the TV, the less power it has to control what they think.

3. De-Program Your Kids:  Around age 12 or so, kids are more interested in exploring what they think, rather than hearing about what parents think.  Instead of telling them your beliefs, ask questions that help them examine their own beliefs.  Ask, “What did you think the message was in that commercial?  What do the manufacturers want you to think about their product?  How much do you agree with that?  How much do you disagree?”  This way, commercials can prompt kids to look within themselves, rather than to the TV, for answers.

Most of all, don’t let the commercials infect YOU. 

Show your kid love in natural ways that really count:  hugs, notes, loving words, and fun family activities.  A healthy relationship with you will keep your kid strong.  And the poison darts of commercialism will bounce right off.

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